Thursday, April 16, 2009

We need names

If anyone has names ready for temple work, Darin and I would like to do baptisms on Monday, but we need to take family file cards. Elaine would have been turning 8 years old on Monday, and getting baptized. We want to honor her by helping someone else be baptized. If you have names that need to be done, please email me (busyhoneybee at hotmail dot com)so we can make arrangements.
I have been surprised at how difficult this week has been already. March and April are always my hardest months. I miss Elaine so much. Five years seems like such a long time, but right now it hurts, not quite like yesterday, but not what you think it should be after 1825 days. I think part of it all is that there simply seems to be so much loss lately. I've attended 3 funerals with in a month. 2 heart kids and a dear friend's mom, found out about my OB, sad news about Dr. Hawkins and had a miscarriage. I have been in a bit of a downward, maybe not quite spiral, but angle.

My patience's is shot and I just don't feel like doing anything. I know that after Monday things will get better. All this snow and rain only contributes to the blahness of it all. It is hard to try and be strong all of the time. It is hard to go to funerals and have memories revived. It is easier to keep things buried. But, like so many of my angel mom friends write, I know I am stronger for it and am a changed person. I too appreciate the talks at conference and the guidance by church leaders to keep us on the straight and narrow. Today is hard, but tomorrow will be better, do you know why? Not only is it my mom's b-day, but I know it will bring me one day closer to hugging my Elaine again. We miss you so much it still hurts. Thank you my bugga for letting us love you! I'm glad that I have this blog where I can write whatever I am feeling. It is therapeutic in so many ways. I am sorry that a few of you have found it "depressing" lately.
I've tried hard to keep up the everyday things, but have seriously lacked in some areas. But they will still be around to do in a few days once I am out of this funk. And I am sad to report that more people thought the April fools joke was dumb than funny. Explain yourselves!


Heart Mommy said...

Lets commizerate together... I am not sure that is even how you spell it. Sorry about your recent loss and of course Elaine... We had one in Dec.. NOT FUN.... With your hormones all out of wack it makes it extra hard, right.... I like what your doing to make it a little more bearable... I can't spell sorry.

Susan said...

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. You're an amazing example to me, Melissa. You lost so much but continue to work to help others. I will keep you in my prayers.

Christina said...

I do not have any words of wisdom for you but I wanted to say that I am thinking of you. I hope the baptisms will be a rewarding experience.

I am glad you are staying here and I thought the April 1st post was funny.

Love, Hugs & Prayers,

Michelle said...

I am so sorry that these last couple months have brought such pain and struggles. I hope you will find solace in the temple. We are going Saturday...a year ago that day my grandmother died unexpectedly...I hope I can find peace too and feel her presence. Please let me know if we can do anything for you. So sorry about the miscarriage...we'll keep you in our prayers dear friend!

Andrea said...

I'm so sorry for the funk! I know it all too well. Been in one for a while now. I thought after Wyatt's angel day it would get better but man I've had some really hard days. Anyway, I'm also so sorry about the miscarriage. Another loss to have to deal with. I will continue to pray for you this month. Sending a hug and much love your way. You are amamzing and an inspiration to me.

Becky said...

Sorry about the miscarriage. That's so rough. I can't believe it's been five years since Elaine died. You are so strong and such a great example to so many.

And, for what it's worth, I laughed my way through the April Fools post, and laughed my way through re-telling Alex.

Jenny said...

I'm sorry about the miscarriage. I wish I had some names to give you. That sounds like a wonderful way to honor Elaine.

VLB said...

Hi Melissa,

I know it is tough. Hang in there. I bet the funerals is what did it. That is always hard to go through. Of course, you miss your beautiful little angel. You always will. I think it may help to know that you will always be her mother and you gave her the best gift anyone could: life on this earth!

I love you, Valerie

Kingsford Family said...

I have been feeling like I'm in a funk lately and I don't have nearly as many things to get me down as you do...I'm so sorry! I will pray for you! Here's hoping the sun will shine tomorrow and we can all get a natural dose of happiness!

Teea Lamb said...

Melissa, I am really sorry for the rough time right now. I wish I had some great words to say, because you always seem to know just what to say. I really appreciate all your comments and words of encouragement and support. You have really helped me, and I really appreciate your love and support. I am grateful that you think of me and make time to share your comments. I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage. What a hard thing to experience, especially around this already hard time. I think it's a beautiful idea to do baptisms for Elaine's 8th birthday. I hope you are able to get names and have a great experience. I loved looking at the cute pictures of Elaine. What a doll. Where does she get all that blonde hair from? What a blessing it was for you to have her for 3 wonderful years! (Even though it doesn't make it any easier dealing with the loss). I loved reading her story you posted. What a beautiful tribute to her life. It was great to learn so much about her and your family. Thanks for sharing. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you go through these coming hard days. Thanks for being a good friend.

Noni Andrew said...

From the wonderful support of your friends you are awonderful giver yourself and what better way to help yourself through your pain than to be there are others. Although it is so painful, I understand that that is the best way to face it and not hide from it. Feb. and March were my deep depression days and then Spring came and it always seemed to give a lift with the sun and flowers. We miss Elaine, too. I am so sorry about your miscarriage I didn't know. If you go on family search their may be some baptisms, but I am sorry I haven't got any ready. I love you so much and your willing to give so much to others. Hope we can see you soon.