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Friday, October 16, 2009

Elaine....



Myra is starting to remind me of Elaine. I think it's the age. Not to mention that she is in the size clothes now that Elaine wore before she died. It's a hard size. We have been blessed with lots of hand me downs, so I try to choose things that Elaine never wore, but inevitably she does wear some. Everytime I put something on her, I'm reminded of Elaine. I'm glad for the memories, but it is still hard.I have another funeral to attend this week. Sweet little Tristan. You can read his story here. I am gearing up for that, and trying to to dwell. I should just think constantly about vacation next week! I am so excited.
Maybe you can't tell, but I really am. I get to see Wicked!! And have 4 days of no diapers to change, sheets to wash, kids to feed, house to clean. Just play time. I love my family, but everyone needs breaks once in a while. This is it for me. I am bummed to miss a few things (Donate life 9K) but, it cannot be helped.
Spending time with my friends who knew and loved Elaine is great, and hard. I was able to attend Elaine's friends Handen's baptism a few weeks ago. He is eight, girls are gross. He likes to pick on me, and asked me to speak. I was not prepared for how emotional I would be. I thought I'd been through that in May when Elaine would have been getting baptized, but this was harder. I don't know why. I know that she loves us and is watching out for us, and her friends.

It still touches me deeply to know that other people remember who she is, and love her. That is why I always use Judy's middle name (even if Deann teases me). I still want people to know that she existed. I love that Judy has a similarly shaped birthmark on her foot to the one that Elaine had. I'm glad that Violet, Ashton & Myra know they have an older sister, even if they don't quite grasp it. So, this is a rambling post...no real point, just what I've been thinking about.

2 comments:

Valerie L. Bond said...

Hugs! I know it is hard to be around friends from 'the old days'. I find it hard as well, being around friends 'from when I was younger'. It is nice to move on, but at the same time it is bittersweet. I knew you as a mom when you had Elaine. Now you live in Utah and I don't see you as often. So I do remember her sweet, joyful smile! You inspire me with all you do in her memory. For that, she is proud of her mama. Enjoy your vacation!

Kyle and Alli said...

I am glad you posted these thoughts. Those milestones that pass without Elaine must be very difficult. Hopefully you are off enjoying a much deserved vacation and break! We are grateful for all you do for us heart families and that continues to share Elaine's legacy!